![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Feb. 27th, 2003 09:33 amVali giving me a pep talk:
honey, you're not supposed to take Fred Rogers' death as a sign of The End Times, okay?
...*sniff*...okayyy...if you say so...*wahhh*...
i think i'm doing okay and it's the stuff out of nowhere that sets me off.
what a fucking day yesterday. i spent the morning fruitlessly trying to recover what i'd typed the night before and saved on a wonky disk, gave up and headed to work.
an hour in i get a call:
i keep seeing these people on tv and all this talk about Mardi Gras and i want to know what the heck it is!
okay, ma'am. i'll call you when i find something.
i grab the World Book 2002 and call her back:
::reads section on origin of Mardi Gras to patron::
What the heck is Shrove Tuesday???
Well, ma'am, i can look it up for you...
so it's demonic.
it doesn't *say* it's demonic, ma'am...
that's okay. thank you! :click:
and you know what? i have dealt 9 million crazy fucking people at this job, and yesterday i dealt with 9 million and 1, and it was too fucking much. i called up Vali right there at the desk, told her about the call and said, you know what? **I** want to have a life where i can be completely insane and stay at home and watch TV all day and call up people whenever the fuck i want and spout their crazy fucking shit to me and infect my brain with their psychosis. Fuck this library, fuck this city, fuck this whole fucking STATE!- i want out of here. i haven't seen a green leaf in 6 1/2 years, everything is brown and gray and caked with shit and dirt and salt, it is NEVER going to get warm, or when it does it'll be like last year where we got a weekend of spring before it was 90 fucking degrees and miserable, the state bird is the sewer rat and the state tree is DEAD. so fuck Indiana already.
then i felt bad because after i was done ranting (quietly, because i am at the desk) Vali told me her go to hell Dell laptop died. Again. and took everything with it. Again. (luckily, she backs everything up). Vali told me everything that was wrong with Dell, its creators, their mothers, their faulty and cousin-dating riddled background, everything. she promised me that i won't be stuck going from home to work to homework to bed for the rest of my life, that we'll go take a nice walk in the Dunes nature trails sometime real soon and get some fresh air, and we'll go to Wisconsin someday to a nice bed and breakfast and look at the pretty trees there. in return, i promised Vali that this weekend we're buying hers-and-hers iBooks, because she needs something reliable for writing, (dammit) and i want something portable to do my homework on.
the thought of two women sitting around and contemplating the jump has probably made Audra the happiest lady in the whole world. ^_^ and Dara the saddest. :( but see, the whole idea of inflicting windows X-P on myself is just too icky.
and the internet was down, again, for the four billionth time last night, so it was nice and peaceful the last hour and a half. i spent the time teaching myself html.
anyway, Vali assures me that my breakdown is a typical reaction to 19 straight months of winter. now i know why all the goddamn serial killers come from the Midwest. i guess i really didn't need to hear about Mr. Rogers dying on top of everything else. my brain is already fully primed to believe that nothing will get better, that it's going to be cold and grey and drab forever, and i'm going to be surrounded by crazy people my entire life. i know that god is not sitting around picking off the good and gentle people so that all of the rest of us get to enjoy world war three. it just seems that way sometimes. then i get better, then i get worse, then i get better again.
honey, you're not supposed to take Fred Rogers' death as a sign of The End Times, okay?
...*sniff*...okayyy...if you say so...*wahhh*...
i think i'm doing okay and it's the stuff out of nowhere that sets me off.
what a fucking day yesterday. i spent the morning fruitlessly trying to recover what i'd typed the night before and saved on a wonky disk, gave up and headed to work.
an hour in i get a call:
i keep seeing these people on tv and all this talk about Mardi Gras and i want to know what the heck it is!
okay, ma'am. i'll call you when i find something.
i grab the World Book 2002 and call her back:
::reads section on origin of Mardi Gras to patron::
What the heck is Shrove Tuesday???
Well, ma'am, i can look it up for you...
so it's demonic.
it doesn't *say* it's demonic, ma'am...
that's okay. thank you! :click:
and you know what? i have dealt 9 million crazy fucking people at this job, and yesterday i dealt with 9 million and 1, and it was too fucking much. i called up Vali right there at the desk, told her about the call and said, you know what? **I** want to have a life where i can be completely insane and stay at home and watch TV all day and call up people whenever the fuck i want and spout their crazy fucking shit to me and infect my brain with their psychosis. Fuck this library, fuck this city, fuck this whole fucking STATE!- i want out of here. i haven't seen a green leaf in 6 1/2 years, everything is brown and gray and caked with shit and dirt and salt, it is NEVER going to get warm, or when it does it'll be like last year where we got a weekend of spring before it was 90 fucking degrees and miserable, the state bird is the sewer rat and the state tree is DEAD. so fuck Indiana already.
then i felt bad because after i was done ranting (quietly, because i am at the desk) Vali told me her go to hell Dell laptop died. Again. and took everything with it. Again. (luckily, she backs everything up). Vali told me everything that was wrong with Dell, its creators, their mothers, their faulty and cousin-dating riddled background, everything. she promised me that i won't be stuck going from home to work to homework to bed for the rest of my life, that we'll go take a nice walk in the Dunes nature trails sometime real soon and get some fresh air, and we'll go to Wisconsin someday to a nice bed and breakfast and look at the pretty trees there. in return, i promised Vali that this weekend we're buying hers-and-hers iBooks, because she needs something reliable for writing, (dammit) and i want something portable to do my homework on.
the thought of two women sitting around and contemplating the jump has probably made Audra the happiest lady in the whole world. ^_^ and Dara the saddest. :( but see, the whole idea of inflicting windows X-P on myself is just too icky.
and the internet was down, again, for the four billionth time last night, so it was nice and peaceful the last hour and a half. i spent the time teaching myself html.
anyway, Vali assures me that my breakdown is a typical reaction to 19 straight months of winter. now i know why all the goddamn serial killers come from the Midwest. i guess i really didn't need to hear about Mr. Rogers dying on top of everything else. my brain is already fully primed to believe that nothing will get better, that it's going to be cold and grey and drab forever, and i'm going to be surrounded by crazy people my entire life. i know that god is not sitting around picking off the good and gentle people so that all of the rest of us get to enjoy world war three. it just seems that way sometimes. then i get better, then i get worse, then i get better again.
