Sometimes it's not the thing that's lost, it's you.

I'm lost!

Pardon me, sir... ::chuckle chuckle, pause::

Where am I???

What a frightening thing to ask and expect to be taken seriously!

And you might get an answer like this:

You're in the land of forgotten dreams and shattered hopes, and are next in line for the human sacrifice!

Thanks very much. I'd rather be lost!

-George Carlin, some comedy tape that got eaten by my Dodge Dart cushions many years ago

Btw, i wonder who stole the "Dart Swinger" metal plate from the side of my car when i lived on First St? I hope the jackass got a nasty scrape when he pried it off my car and had to go get a tetanus shot.

Where in the world can that Osama bin Laden be?

Have you checked all the drawers in the bureau?!?

Look up his snout!

No! Look in his trousers!

I really should get out of my room today. I want to leave, but i want to stay and do nothing at the same time.

I need to go get tapes to dub Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban for Vali today. I really wanted to talk to her last night but didn't know what to say, so i didn't say anything. I'm boring myself these days. I can't imagine what i'm doing for people around me.

I'm looking up plants that are toxic to cats. A whole bunch of them are on the list. I was going to get rid of most of mine anyway to friends, so it's okay. The Peace Lily is the first to go. I'm going to fill my apartment with violets instead. They were always Nana's favorite plant too. I'm very lucky with violets-- i never use fertilizer, but i have the loveliest purple and pale blue flowers. The windowsill they're in must have the exact right amount of sunlight.

The meatloaf i ate this morning smelled suspiciously of cat food. Thank the hot 'n' spicy gods for tabasco. I lathered it on till my mouth went all fiery and numb.

Nine out of ten doctors agree:

Good sweet girlfriends take a hazee Sundae and make it wonderful. They really lower the blood pressure, they do.

Oh, and that tenth doctor? He can eat me.