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Tripod can eat me
Mar. 17th, 2001 01:14 pmFriday evening i did my ceremonial pass out right after work, got off the phone with Vali around 12, and was too pooped to do anything else and crashed hard. i woke up around 5:30, wondered if anyone was still in chat (nope) and found out what happened to Vali, Giu, Viridian, and a few other people. It hasn't happened to Beth's site yet, but i'm not taking any chances. i'm downloading trellix for Fortunecity as i type and hopefully i can move Beth's site there. i have a feeling i'm going to be doing this as long as web hosts have control over content, and seeing as i don't know any html, i'm going to be stuck living by their rules, moving place to place like a vagrant.
The person i feel sorriest for is Viridian-- poor woman doesn't have backups to many of her stories. i wish i could help her, but i thought of stuff like this as a distant theoretical thing and i didn't save anything. besides, if i did that for everyone my computer would be dead. but still...
Basically i hate all web hosts that want good old-fashioned (read: boring as fuck) family entertainment. and i'm irked by places like Slashcity that want the webpages to be at least 50% slash. hello? whatever happened to having other interests? i'm sorry, Mary, we're only interested in guy on guy stuff- everything else is stoooopid. i don't get fans that aren't into anything else. maybe that's because i'm not really interested in fandom aside from writing and the occasional providing of assistance. life's been really busy and i'm finding that i like to do a lot of other things besides slash. maybe because i'm leaving MD in a few months, maybe because my next library science class is starting up, or that i'm busy with ESOL and helping a couple of students pass the written test to get their driver's license. oh, and there is regular Army work, but that's not important. it's not! I play with chemical waste all day so you don't have to, and that's pretty much it. they don't make "join the Army" commercials for stuff that i do because no one would sign up otherwise.
(side note: Ildie passed her written test- WOOHOO! now she needs to pass the road test and she's free baby, free! One down, two more to go.)
So anyway, i know i'm a snob, but i like slashers who are queer and like to read books and like to do other stuff besides slash. everything else is like eating ice cream every day.
Thursday night's ESOL class was much better because i had a couple of volunteers that come in then. they're getting class credit for it at the missionary college they go to, or something like that. they can be part of the high church of satan as far as i'm concerned, provided they don't freak anyone out and are good teachers. and at least i don't feel like i'm using them too hard-- i work 'em the whole 2 1/2 hours-- because they're getting something out of this as well.
after class i talked with one of them, a woman named Pam who i always want to call Beth for some reason, although the Beth i know and this woman couldn't be more different from each other. Maybe she looks like a Beth? Who knows. usually i'm all sleepy and strange by Thurs evening and i can't remember anyone's name by then.
So we talked and stuff, and she was telling me about how she grew up really conservative and then went to Middlebury and Columbia where everything was ultraliberal, and she got into newage philosophy and it didn't hold anything for her, that it was too anything goes, and then she found the lord jesus christ and life has been much better and she's much happier, and honestly, i believe her. I'm not one of those pagans that turns to stone around the presence of a born-again christian-- they're people just like anyone else. i do wonder about the pagans that doth protest too much, like they're running away from their religious past and trying only to rebel instead of embracing the beliefs they have now.
But she's got this glassy-eyed look in her face that really bugs me. Vali said it best: she's trying to look like she doesn't know anything. i get the feeling like part of her is trying to repress something in order to be safe and secure.
trying to talk to someone who's outlook on life is very different from mine leads me to that old standby-- trying to find common ground and be all diplomatic and stuff. and hey, i can understand the disillusionment with newage garbage. i used to be into it too, but now i think it's for the old crusty 60s types. they pretend that it's so free and easy, but the mindset of some newagers is really rigid. i guess i distrust anyone that is only interested in being cool and laid-back and groovy. i want crankiness and cynicism, dammit! so i had see why she turned to something more conservative-- at least you know right up front that the rules are stricter, there's no bait and switch. not my cuppa, but it makes her happy, so what the hell? Funny, but that type of attitude would be something that she'd hate.
god, i could go on and on like this for pages thinking about the old-timey pagans that are obsessed with male-female duality: in circles men and women have to be side by side, the emphasis on fertility (read: women have an obligation to have their man's babies), etc. i guess i want to be around queers in all things, not just slash, but in everything. i feel more comfortable there. i suppose when i'm actually around the gay community on a more day to day level more differences and disillusionment will occur, but the ones i know now make me feel more relaxed and myself than nearly any other group i've been around.
so basically, i'm trying really hard to find common ground with this woman Pam, partly because it's more interesting to be around intelligent people who think differently, but mostly because i really *need* her as a volunteer. Her and Denise save my keister every Thursday when they come in.
only 1.5M to go on the trellix for Fortunecity download-- pleeeeeaase don't let my isp disconnect on me now!
dammit, i forgot that i was going to go to the library and alphabetize videotapes. oh well, i'll do that next week. this week all i want to do is lay here, type and be stinky, read Louise Fitzhugh's "The Long Secret," (great book so far, even better than the Harriet the Spy imo) do laundry and memorize my lines for the not-so-great fannish play they're doing at Connexions. i get to say incredibly funny things like "the play won't be a success without adequate rehearsal time!" and so on and so forth, so i've decided to make it sillier by Shatnerizing it a tad. you'll see, heheh.
not that i could write it any better. but you won't see me writing any plays in the near future either. Except for the Golden Peacock thing, bwahahaha... i'm so glad Vali wants to do it too, i'd been thinking of nothing else all yesterday either.
The person i feel sorriest for is Viridian-- poor woman doesn't have backups to many of her stories. i wish i could help her, but i thought of stuff like this as a distant theoretical thing and i didn't save anything. besides, if i did that for everyone my computer would be dead. but still...
Basically i hate all web hosts that want good old-fashioned (read: boring as fuck) family entertainment. and i'm irked by places like Slashcity that want the webpages to be at least 50% slash. hello? whatever happened to having other interests? i'm sorry, Mary, we're only interested in guy on guy stuff- everything else is stoooopid. i don't get fans that aren't into anything else. maybe that's because i'm not really interested in fandom aside from writing and the occasional providing of assistance. life's been really busy and i'm finding that i like to do a lot of other things besides slash. maybe because i'm leaving MD in a few months, maybe because my next library science class is starting up, or that i'm busy with ESOL and helping a couple of students pass the written test to get their driver's license. oh, and there is regular Army work, but that's not important. it's not! I play with chemical waste all day so you don't have to, and that's pretty much it. they don't make "join the Army" commercials for stuff that i do because no one would sign up otherwise.
(side note: Ildie passed her written test- WOOHOO! now she needs to pass the road test and she's free baby, free! One down, two more to go.)
So anyway, i know i'm a snob, but i like slashers who are queer and like to read books and like to do other stuff besides slash. everything else is like eating ice cream every day.
Thursday night's ESOL class was much better because i had a couple of volunteers that come in then. they're getting class credit for it at the missionary college they go to, or something like that. they can be part of the high church of satan as far as i'm concerned, provided they don't freak anyone out and are good teachers. and at least i don't feel like i'm using them too hard-- i work 'em the whole 2 1/2 hours-- because they're getting something out of this as well.
after class i talked with one of them, a woman named Pam who i always want to call Beth for some reason, although the Beth i know and this woman couldn't be more different from each other. Maybe she looks like a Beth? Who knows. usually i'm all sleepy and strange by Thurs evening and i can't remember anyone's name by then.
So we talked and stuff, and she was telling me about how she grew up really conservative and then went to Middlebury and Columbia where everything was ultraliberal, and she got into newage philosophy and it didn't hold anything for her, that it was too anything goes, and then she found the lord jesus christ and life has been much better and she's much happier, and honestly, i believe her. I'm not one of those pagans that turns to stone around the presence of a born-again christian-- they're people just like anyone else. i do wonder about the pagans that doth protest too much, like they're running away from their religious past and trying only to rebel instead of embracing the beliefs they have now.
But she's got this glassy-eyed look in her face that really bugs me. Vali said it best: she's trying to look like she doesn't know anything. i get the feeling like part of her is trying to repress something in order to be safe and secure.
trying to talk to someone who's outlook on life is very different from mine leads me to that old standby-- trying to find common ground and be all diplomatic and stuff. and hey, i can understand the disillusionment with newage garbage. i used to be into it too, but now i think it's for the old crusty 60s types. they pretend that it's so free and easy, but the mindset of some newagers is really rigid. i guess i distrust anyone that is only interested in being cool and laid-back and groovy. i want crankiness and cynicism, dammit! so i had see why she turned to something more conservative-- at least you know right up front that the rules are stricter, there's no bait and switch. not my cuppa, but it makes her happy, so what the hell? Funny, but that type of attitude would be something that she'd hate.
god, i could go on and on like this for pages thinking about the old-timey pagans that are obsessed with male-female duality: in circles men and women have to be side by side, the emphasis on fertility (read: women have an obligation to have their man's babies), etc. i guess i want to be around queers in all things, not just slash, but in everything. i feel more comfortable there. i suppose when i'm actually around the gay community on a more day to day level more differences and disillusionment will occur, but the ones i know now make me feel more relaxed and myself than nearly any other group i've been around.
so basically, i'm trying really hard to find common ground with this woman Pam, partly because it's more interesting to be around intelligent people who think differently, but mostly because i really *need* her as a volunteer. Her and Denise save my keister every Thursday when they come in.
only 1.5M to go on the trellix for Fortunecity download-- pleeeeeaase don't let my isp disconnect on me now!
dammit, i forgot that i was going to go to the library and alphabetize videotapes. oh well, i'll do that next week. this week all i want to do is lay here, type and be stinky, read Louise Fitzhugh's "The Long Secret," (great book so far, even better than the Harriet the Spy imo) do laundry and memorize my lines for the not-so-great fannish play they're doing at Connexions. i get to say incredibly funny things like "the play won't be a success without adequate rehearsal time!" and so on and so forth, so i've decided to make it sillier by Shatnerizing it a tad. you'll see, heheh.
not that i could write it any better. but you won't see me writing any plays in the near future either. Except for the Golden Peacock thing, bwahahaha... i'm so glad Vali wants to do it too, i'd been thinking of nothing else all yesterday either.
